Why Do I Do This?

In the film Louise Bourgeois by Camille Guichard, Bourgeois states that she creates because her emotions are too big for her body to contain them. Indeed.

Lately, as I have begun a rather daunting project, I have been asking myself again and again, "Why do I do this?" It is impractical. It is often time and labor intensive. I ache. I have no time. The conversation with my artist self winds and I have come up with many different answers at different times. Basically, what it all comes down to is that I can't help it. This is who I am. I am a person who sees the potential of the grand idea and then uses that as momentum to take the first step, even though I might be fearful and do not know if it is really going to work.

In his Letters to a Young Poet, Maria Ranier Rilke said, "Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depth of your heart; confess to yourself that you would have to die if you were forbidden to write." There was a time when I did not know this for certain about myself and art. But I know now. I know that if I don't listen to this voice inside me that says "make this," I will exist only as vapor...easily blown away by the four winds...invisible.

For me, saying "yes" to this compulsion is essential. It is loving myself.